Werewolf Story Excerpt for Critique
by nox-alatus
Summary: Excerpt from work-in-progress for review/critique purposes. All constructive criticism is appreciated. Explicit lemony-content. Rated M for a reason.


**A/N: Rated M for a reason, people.**

Hey there, people. I'm currently working on a few original short stories and this is an excerpt from one of them. It's been a long, long, looong time since I've written a lemony scene, probably longer than it's been since I last posted something here.

Anyways, like I said, this is an excerpt from a story I'm writing, and I'd like some honest critiques on the sex scene. The rest of the story is coming along quite well, I'm just iffy on this part because it's been forever writing something like this. Any comments are good comments, but I'd much rather have constructive criticisms than "OMG that's HAWT!" or "OMG that SUXX!"

A little background: Matt is a werewolf, Ari isn't. They've worked together for a few years, but this is the first time they've let their passions run away with them. That's it, just a little info for you. :)

This is completely original fiction, any resemblance is coincidence, blah blah. This is copyright ME, and if you take it I'll send my army of flying monkeys to your house to hang you from the ceiling by your toenails. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy it!

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"Yes. It took you long enough to ask." Triumph washed over him, his eyes glowing in pleasure for a split second before his lips lowered to me. Heat coursed over me as his mouth worked against mine. His lips were just as soft as I imagined.

I ran my fingers through his hair, still slightly damp from the shower he took before laying with me. Propping himself up with one arm, he used his free hand to explore my body. I arched into the tentative caresses, squeaking when he hit a ticklish spot on my side. I felt his lips stretch into a smile as he poked the spot again, eliciting another protest. He pulled back and grinned.

"Quit that."

"Quit what? This?" He gave me a chaste peck on the lips. "Or this?" He attacked the ticklish area with renewed fervor and I tried to wiggle away, inadvertently rubbing our groins together. His hardness stroked me in just the right spot, making me moan.

"God, Ari… you're killing me."

"Hey, you're not the one being tickle-tortured." I licked my lips, his eyes watching the tiny action.

"I'll make it up to you. Promise."

Bringing his forehead down to rest on mine, I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him tenderly. I couldn't believe I had ever been worried this man might hurt me. He was being so gentle, so tender, exploring every inch of me with such care I might have been made of spun glass. As he kissed his way down my neck and collarbones, his hands were inching up my tank top to expose my breasts. He laved them with his tongue, alternately sucking and blowing warm breath across the tips until I was panting with need.

"Matt, please…"

A low growl met my plea and I shivered in anticipation. Hooking his thumbs in my thin pants, he slid them down my thighs, his fingers drawing a line of goose bumps over me. As he kissed and nipped his way south, his eyes met mine and I felt my heart swell with emotion. We had both waited so long for this moment that it seemed almost unreal. I pushed the shaggy brown hair out of his face and he leaned into my hand, his eyes closing and a faint smile crossing his lips.

_God, do I love this man._ I refused to voice that thought, even though I knew it was true. It wasn't because he was the most considerate lover I'd ever had. It wasn't because he'd saved my life. Hell, it wasn't even because he got my stupid jokes and could meet my sarcasm head on. It was the fact that even though he pissed me off to no end sometimes, even going out of his way to irritate me once in a while, I still couldn't imagine not being with him every day.

I watched as he pushed my thighs open, staring at the newly exposed flesh. "You are so beautiful, Ari." A swirl of gold swam through his chocolate eyes; the wolf was coming out to play, too. I wanted to come back with some witty remark about how he said to every girl he went down on, but the words died in my throat when I saw the raw emotion on his face.

Starting at the knee, he kissed his way up. By the time he reached my center, I was shaking. A long swipe of his tongue had me gasping, the fingers gently preparing me bringing out moans. I was so worked up that the orgasm blindsided me, coming out of nowhere to hit me like a ton of bricks. His mouth worked through it, easing up when I was ultra sensitive and getting me ready for another.

When I felt myself nearing the edge again, I pulled his hair lightly, bringing him back to my mouth. I could taste myself on his tongue as it twined with mine. He positioned himself at my entrance and my eyes widened at his size.

Slowly he pushed in, retreating slightly before pushing further. When he was fully seated inside me, he froze for a moment to let my body adjust. Kissing him, I ran my hands over his back, the thin sheen of sweat making him slippery. Pulling out until only the tip was in, he slid back in with agonizing slowness, pulling groans from both of us. Urging him on his my hands and rotations of my hips, Matt plunged in faster and harder, the sensations driving all coherent thought from my mind.

Canting my hips slightly, he hit that certain spot inside of me and I could feel the muscles contract around him. He attacked my neck, nipping roughly and he drove into me with increasing urgency. A tingling sensation at the base of my spine warned of the impending orgasm and I whimpered.

"Oh god, Matt. I'm… oh fuck…" He growled, locking his teeth into the curve of my neck as he redoubled his efforts. A scream exploded out of me as I came, my muscles contracting erratically around him. A few more thrusts and he froze, a rhythmic pulsing deep inside me.

He fell to the side as his arms gave out and pulled me into his chest. I kissed his sleepy smile and stared deeply into his eyes, the gold swirl almost hypnotic in its beauty. A loud jangling noise disturbed the moment and he cursed.

Rolling over, he grabbed the cell phone off his nightstand and flipped it open. "This had better be good." A low voice spoke on the other end, but I couldn't make out the words. "Fuck. Yeah, we're coming." He snapped the phone shut and looked at me with regret. "Our boy was busy last night. We have to get moving."

"At least we got to finish."

"Trust me, Ari. We were nowhere near finished." He leaned over to give me a soft kiss before getting out of bed. Tears threatened and I blinked furiously to hold them back. He noticed, giving me concerned look. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?" I shook my head no, unable to speak. "Okay, if you're sure…"

I nodded and smiled, watching him as he walked to the bathroom. _I love you._ I didn't say it. I couldn't.


End file.
